Hurting from cruel words? Well, read on!
Surviving emotional abuse has taught me the best ways to chew and spew out whatever words targeted to endanger my current happiness, so I will share them with you.
The undeniable truth is that there’s power in spoken words. It’s either comforting or discomforting. But another thing is, whatever word we hear, has power over us because we allowed it.
What cruel words have you heard that shove you into a downward spiral of self-doubt and destruction? That shamed you, lit you, and allowed you to burn down till nothing is left of you? We all have our share of it.
Oh, I remember when my father told my mum to go look for my biological father, and the worst revenge was that I grew up resembling him (and I hate that, trust me, I pray for a miracle of facial surgery from God).
So however cruel, mean, belittling, degrading, insulting, condescending, or mocking those words might have sounded, trust me, you can still kick it back and stand strong.
Because if you don’t, these cruel words will filter out your energy, and drain your happiness to zero percent.
They creep into your subconscious and become the truth that never existed. Just give them a moment of thought, they’ll steal your self-worth; destroy your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Sometimes when we’re the target of cruel words, we have no choice but to endure the insults. But at the same time, that doesn’t mean we have to accept those words directed at us. No matter what you’ve done, you don’t deserve to be emotionally abused.
If you’ve wronged another person, he or she has a right to express their hurt, and you have the responsibility to take correction and make amends.
He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
John 8:7
However, allowing hurtful and condemning words to eat away at your sense of self-worth is no way to do penance for your sins.
How to overcome cruel words
To overcome the penetrating power of those cruel words, you’ll have to fight for yourself. Because you don’t have to sit quietly and hope those ugly and demeaning words don’t have a stamp on your beautiful soul.
So, pick yourself up off the floor, take action now and feel empowered.
Here are ways to overcome the sting of nasty words before these words seep into your subconscious and become your truth.
Feel the pain
I always advise you to allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling regarding your emotions. Don’t fight it, just allow yourself to feel the pains and your brain to process these feelings for better natural healing to begin.
Most importantly what you should focus on is, how did the words make you feel? Trying to avoid these feelings will only bury them deeper in your mind. So, feel what you feeling and tell yourself it’s ok to hurt.
Observe the words
Analyze the words critically and write them on paper so you can observe them. What did you feel? Do the words define you? No, Right? Then, notice how small and unworthy they are.
Writing them down makes them seem small and worthless so you can easily analyze to understand why those words hurt so much (that’s if they did) and what stories or feelings they trigger in you. You can understand better to change those negative stories into positive stories.
Spin the lie
Did you allow yourself to observe the words and analyze them? What you should know is that cruel words are never necessary or based on truth. As noted above, whenever harsh and cruel words are spoken, they tell more about the person who speaks them than they do about the person they’re targeted at.
But, the undeniable truth is you’re invaluable, beautiful, bold, and loved – claim that and own it as your truth.
So, to a more natural way to heal faster, speak your truth till it sinks in your soul and displaces the other lies about you. List all the reasons why the harsh words you heard are a total lie. Speak your truth and rewrite the stories you’ve been telling yourself about your worth.
You can’t stop others from losing their temper, but you can decide how you’re going to respond. And the place to start is by reminding yourself—over and over again—that it’s not about you.
Forgive your attacker
Forgiveness is a challenge. But it’s just one way to revive yourself and move forward and on from the past. This might seem a bit hard to do but it’s an effective way to heal yourself.
You don’t know what’s going on in the life of another person—the stresses they’re enduring, the demons they struggle against.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32
Because no normal person goes about hurting other people except they’re hurting too or in the process of healing too – we all have different ways of expressing our pains or letting it out. Somehow, by hurting others they may be trying to heal, protect, or avenge themselves in some way.
Rather than judging them or hurting inside, you can ask yourself in what ways might your attacker be hurting? So you understand your attacker’s perspective and the less power they have a hold over you.
Practice letting go
Sometimes these cruel words hurt us and almost instantly or within a short period, we can also forget what happened while in most cases, we seem not to forget easily.
But, to acknowledge and release what was said to you as something in the past that has no relevance in the present, is to let go. It’s probably the next hardest task after forgiveness when you want to recover and heal emotionally.
I know the crueler the words are, the harder it is to let go, but it’s something to strive for to allow yourself inner peace.
Just ask yourself what would letting go look like for you. Envision it, so you can live it.
Make a promise
It’s so easy to cause pain to others. It’s also easy to let our insecurities and anger get the better of us. And the truth is, we’re all guilty of this in one way or the other.
But, we can all do better if we decide. You decide to recover and heal so you can use the harsh words you experienced to transform and have an impact on other people’s lives. To lift others, when they feel emotionally down because of the painful changes of emotional abuse? To give comfort when others are feeling unworthy, shamed, or excluded? To help others to shine their light a little bit brighter? Make a promise to be the light you’ve longed to see and never in your process of healing hurt someone else.
Just remember these words hold the power you give them. So, don’t believe it, gladly fight them and knock them out now!
I have a worksheet with actionable steps you can take to handle cruel words. Fill out the form below to download it.
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