I am the ‘I need my personal space girl’. Once in a while, you want to be alone and sometimes it could be that you want some time to yourselves. Probably to observe some self-care rituals, meditate, relieve stress, rejuvenate, or just do nothing. You’re aware that you’re spending time on yourself, entertaining yourself, being comfortable, and enjoying every bit of it.
But what happens when you’re feeling lonely? It goes with your mind. Loneliness can be your mind responding to a degree of isolation which includes anxious feelings about a lack of connection, interaction, or communication with other people. Both in the present and extending into the future.
You isolate yourself and say no to plans because you feel so overwhelmed and then feel sad. And you really don’t know what to do to counteract those sad feelings, you experience loneliness. Then this can go on and on as long as you allow it.
Sometimes, when we’re abandoned, physically or emotionally abused, we’re left to remember the scary and awful feeling that goes along with it.
And whenever we’re reminded of this painful feeling we always feel abandoned and experience loneliness. You begin to give all the excuses you want. Because you can feel that loneliness gripping and holding tight to you.
I know loneliness can trigger many emotions, sadness, anxiety, overfeeding, fear, depression, and many more.
Though having some time alone is recommended and necessary for our mental health being isolated can dangerously affect our overall health and well-being.
And as much as you want to suppress the lonely feeling you’re experiencing, it’s healthier to acknowledge the feeling and react to it positively.
The negative effects of loneliness
This often is the result of always slipping in and out of that lonely and sad mood;
You feel sick
when you’re lonely, you’ll be at your lowest level of emotional state; you get depressed which results in headaches. Just like stress, it can have an impact on our immune system.
Ever been sad or lost or in a state of blah? You seem to be sensitive to everything with a lot of mood swings. All you can think of is a good bowl of ice cream to eat or just any food to compensate yourself to feel good. At that point, you’re having zero motivation to stretch let alone work out which in the long run can lead to weight gain.
Who sleeps when they’re lonely? Do you? Well, I don’t. At that point, you can hardly get to sleep because, you’re feeling hopeless, irritated, sad, burdened, and overwhelmed with things you do or don’t know. Mostly, you try to get lost online, trying to fill a void in you or to find a bit of comfort, but that usually ends up making it worst.
Practical ways to kick out loneliness and restore sanity
Accept it as a feeling
Ok, the feeling has come. If you want to deny it, run to your room and lock the door. NO! When you’re feeling lonely, it’s because something has triggered a memory of a very sad situation.
In this situation, take a pause and be calm to ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. Is it because I’m single? Think through this and weigh if you’re being triggered for something or for nothing. Your brain is wired to make sense of these feelings for us before you start feeling them. So just accept the feeling without struggling or overreacting.
Never give yourself to the negative voice
You’re hearing a lot of negative voices telling you how you’re useless and unworthy of love. And you’re pretty discouraged to make a connection with other people. I get it. These “voice attacks” can make you or anyone feel uneasy and awkward in everything, especially social interactions. And we’re not likely to avoid them, it comes but when we give in to these thoughts and voices, it grows louder, and stronger, and remains within us.
The best way is to listen to it, when you’ve clearly heard it, gladly do the opposite of whatever it’s suggesting to you or you’ve heard. That way, you become a prodigal child, and no one wants a prodigal child. You win your freedom to be happy.
Be kind to yourself
I know your brain is telling you to feel lonely, make the feeling about yourself- learn to love yourself!
Sometimes, it might take a bit of gentle self-care, pampering, and nurturing to fix a negative view you have about yourself. You have to learn to bring joy into your own life instead of waiting for someone it. Treat yourself to healthy food, and cultivate a regular self-care routine for just you alone.
All this can make you enjoy your own company, and truly help you know more about yourself and what makes you truly happy. And when you discover, my advice is that you try it again.
Reconnect with other people
Considering how you’re feeling, this might be a very difficult thing to do or the last thing you want to do. But, it’s recommended and very important. A book club, a sports team, a choir, or a gardening group, for example — where you can meet people who share your own interests.
Make sure you aren’t looking solely for ‘fun’ interactions or kill time, try to engage yourself in meaningful experiences rather than just having fun.
Delete social media
I love and hate social media at the same time. I love the fact, I can drive most of my traffic from it and reach a wider audience and I hate it because of the mind tricks it dishes out on me. And I’ll not call it to sabotage my general well-being.
So I get it, do you think logging in to Instagram or uploading a few photos will make you feel ok? Looking at those photos can trigger your mind to start comparing and extending whatever sad and lonely feeling you’re having at that moment.
Instead of spending too much time reading about people you’ve met online, close your laptop, put down your phone and spend more time with people you know in real life.
This shouldn’t be too much, because of the rewarding feeling you get after it. There’s beauty in rendering services because it takes you to the path of being grateful for what you have and who you’re and, reminding you of a whole wide palette of challenges other people are facing.
Of course, you also have yours too you might be facing but it helps you understand that every human is fighting a battle and that you’re not alone. But, it’s left for you to fight, endure a black and come out a winner or go without a bruise and allow life to defeat you.
Talk to a Friend
Sometimes you might you’re the only one struggling with loneliness. Get over the shame and talk to a friend because loneliness is common and a lot of people are getting lonelier. That is why; it’s important you talk to a friend and share your burden with other communities. You’ll be surprised at the amount of support, you’ll get from them.
I believe if you go through all this, you can be able to fight loneliness. If you’ve tried all of these things and you still feel lonely, even when you’ve engaged in activities with other people not just your friends, it may be time to seek outside help.
Therapists are trained to identify signs of loneliness and give you advice on what else to do. Your mental health and general well-being are our priority and getting better is our goal. Don’t be ashamed, talk and seek professional help and live a happy life.
Overcoming loneliness depends on your courage and efforts because it’s certainly possible, whether you consistently feel lonely. After all, you’re depressed or lonely. After all, you’re single or you just don’t realize why you’re overwhelmed, sad, and lost. You are not alone on this.