Do you know cruel words leave a dent in you emotionally? And when you’re always at the receiving end of cruel words, sarcasm communicated with body language, sighs, or just about anything to make you feel less without hitting you, it becomes emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is often not spoken of because there are no bruises nobody else will know. It’s just you and your emotions struggling to survive each word thrown at you.
Our emotions is just how we feel, what we feel and when we feel it. So guide it!
Someone can try so much to manipulate your emotion in an attempt to suit them without going physical on you. This is worst than being abused physically. It takes the mind to a different new level of suffering, pain, and damage.
Life after emotional abuse is so far from being calm after the storm. Rather it drives you into a much more confusing state. And the truth is that you’re far from being ok except if you embrace healing.
My Mother’s story
My mother’s mental health was on the verge of collapsing, due to excessive emotional abuse from in-laws who felt that she wasn’t worthy to be married into the family.
She felt ashamed and inferior, and she always please them because they have painted the image of her unworthiness in her mind with cruel words.
She will often cry herself to sleep after a very bad day. Waking up, her mind is prepared to receive unforgiving words repeated over and over again from someone without remorse. And at the same time having them define how she should feel makes it unbearable.
Sometimes even with her mind prepared, she often still finds herself being manipulated, controlled, and abused emotionally. This is because the people abusing her emotionally don’t find what they are doing to be wrong or see the damages they might be causing her.
What is emotional abuse?
It is just about anything done to cause hurt and pain to your emotions and mental health;
- Undermine your confidence in yourself, worthiness, confidence, and trust.
- Making you feel crazy, inferior, and unstable.
- You are always in deep thought about how to please your abuser so you don’t get abused.
- Subjecting you to a state of shame, fear, and isolation.
- Control yourself and how you feel.
- Apologizing for how you feel.
Just to know, emotional abuse doesn’t come directly as it looks, you can be emotionally abused by anyone but it hurts most from people we tend to have an attachment with. It makes love hurt.
Ways Emotional Abuse Changes You
You isolate yourself, becoming more of an observer than a participant. You’re in between feeling good and bad at the same time. You build up a wall around your heart most times preventing anything from going in and out. Sometimes you feel hopeless like you’ve lost it and permanently feel damaged.
Difficulty trusting people in your life
Having someone you love abuse or let you down, it’s always challenging attempting to trust again. You always find yourself at the junction of analyzing whatever people say and do whether good or bad. You end up getting rid of the people who have nice intentions toward you.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.1 Peter 5:7
Zero percent self-esteem
Just like you wake up and say some positive affirmations to yourself, you’re motivated and energized and your self-confidence takes it to the climax stage.
Same way, when you always hear all negative words and abusive comments directed at you, your self-esteem depletes and you become disgusted with yourself and live in self-doubt.
All of those harsh words, overwhelming comments, and words were put into your world, stinging your heart and making you unsure of yourself.
At this point, you have to realize your self-worth and replace those negative and harsh comments with positive affirmations. Remind yourself why you’re good inside and out, what makes you stand out, and choose to define your happiness by yourself and for yourself.
Isolation often leads to detachment. The feeling of detachment is a feeling of distance, that leads to emotional excessiveness.
Going into overdrive on shopping sprees, emotional eating or even object happiness is a way your mind is trying to defend you.
This is just one quick way you’ll know that emotional abuse has taken place and that the feeling you’re getting afterward is a result of the abuse.
Sometimes, it’s assumed depression is caused by anger but I know emotional abuse can make you slip in and out of depression.
Being emotionally abused makes you give up on emotions and any chances of getting real happiness.
And sometimes in life because you feel beaten down and trampled on by other people.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Matthew 11:28
So, it puts you in a position where you feel no safety whatsoever, just shame, fear, anger, and thinking of ways to punish yourself.
I get it. You’re at the moment where you’re being stripped of the energy in you, and when you run out of energy you slip into depression.
You live to blame
The devastating stage of the effect of emotional abuse is when you live in self-condemnation and blame yourself for being abused.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesusromans 8:1
You begin to feel victimized. If someone hits you, it’s very easy to see and say that he is the problem but if the abuse was verbal and subtle. You’ll more likely think it’s your problem.
Just So You Know
Emotional abuse is more personal than physical abuse. Anyone can abuse you physically, but it takes someone close to the bone to dish out cruel words that can hurt your emotions.
You are never prepared enough for emotional abuse!
I will tell you, healing from those traumas cannot begin until the abuse is stopped either by challenging the abuse or leaving the relationship.
I know, it’s easier said than done. The fear we suffer as a result of the abuse makes it difficult to challenge our abuser, who thinks there’s no way to escape.